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We did not have a program today; the speaker from WalMart did not
attend. Here is a little “funny story” we can all relate to: |
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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF GOD CAME TO NOAH TO BUILD THE ARK IN 2005?
BELOW IS A PROBABLE SCENARIO:
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 It
is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain
and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I
want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of
living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build
an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications
for an Ark.
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Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the
Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
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Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is
the Ark?"
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"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there
were big problems.
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First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
not comply with the codes.
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I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got
into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor
objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building
the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.
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I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was
a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally
convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the
owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch
any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out
on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor
Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each
kind aboard. |
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Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to
the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the
Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded
a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
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Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the
Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I
just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax
and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
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Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6
years!" Noah wailed. |
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The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began
to calm.
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A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
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"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No,"
said the Lord sadly.
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"The government already has. "
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Thanks Rita Johnson for taking notes (Bob and Dave Clausen
want to issue a challenge to the rest of the “male” members of
Sertoma to step up and help out with note-taking. It is a great
way to get out of fines for the day!) |
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| Announcements |
| Pipe and Drape - Julia Sullivan gave a
report on the progress with the new equipment. Check your
calendars and sign up for the next two events—Breezy Point and
Forty Club |
| Jan. 18 - 7 a.m. Board
Meeting at Northwinds Grill |
| Jan. 22 - Bucket Checkers Wanted -
Mike Howard (828-8224) is looking for people to check buckets
at the $150,000 Ice Fishing Tournament. This is a fund raiser
for Camp Sertoma. You have to be on the ice at 7 a.m. and you
are finished in time to join your group and participate in the
event. Pam is also looking for one person for a comfy
inside ticket selling job that morning from 7:00-10:30 for the
same event. |
| Feb 10 - Denny Benjamin and the social committee have decided to go for an all out gala event that will not be a Holiday Party but instead will be a Valentine’s Celebration. It is scheduled for Thursday, at the Mariucci Lodge at Camp Confidence. Seating is limited so you need to sign up early. They are also requesting that you pay when you sign up at a cost of $35 per person. Promises are for a great meal with top notch entertainment and more details to follow. |
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| Pipe and
Drape Schedule |
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Where : |
Breezy Point Convention Center |
| Jan 24 |
Set - Up Monday at 5:30pm (25 volunteers
needed ) |
| Jan 27 |
Take - Down Thursday at 5:30pm |
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| Where : |
40 Club - Bridal Show |
| Feb 4 |
Set - Up Friday at 5:30pm (12 volunteers
needed) |
| Feb 5 |
Take - Down Saturday at 3:30pm |
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| Where : |
Civic Center - Women's Expo |
| March 25 |
Set - Up (Time to be announced at a later
date.) |
| March 26 |
Take - Down (Time to be announced at a later
date.) |
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| Ceiling Dates |
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| Ticket Winner |
| Chris Gross |
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| Pot-O-Gold
Winner |
| Would have been John Lubke |
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| Attendance |
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| Guests:
Amanda Kozitza, Jeff’s daughter |
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| Greeter
Schedule |
| Remember:
Greeters (Be sure to take care of your duties that include meeting
people at the door and getting the ticket money counted and
divided with half going to Tami to give away and half to Diane for
the social committee's budget). As greeter you have several
duties. You need to arrive about 10 minutes early. It is your job
to greet people, help them find their badges and sell them a
ticket if they wish to participate. The money collected must be
divided by the Greeters equally--half goes to the Current Club
Treasurer and half goes to the Club President along with the
bucket of tickets. Be there by 11:45 and call somebody if you
can't. Call Patty Hartman. |
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| Jan 19 |
LoAnn Reponen, Kari Robinson, Steve Rose |
| Jan 26 |
Tom Rosenberger, Lori Rubin, and Pam Sachs |
| Feb 3 |
Kelly Olivier, Joe Schulte, David Selisker |
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| Sertoman of
the Day |
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Darren Larson works in the business banking department at
Northern National Bank with offices in Brainerd, Baxter, Nisswa
and Cross Lake. |
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He is the manager of the Brainerd Office. This is his 10th year in
commercial banking although he has only been with Northern for
four months. Northern is a sizable operation with considerable
assets. |
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Darren is married to Sarah and they are expecting their first
child in March. Sarah teaches 5th grade in Staples. His hobbies
include running, golf, hunting, fishing, weekends at the lake and
video editing. |
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His college degrees were earned at the University of North Dakota
and SCSU. His most embarrassing moment also involved a lack of
clothes. Darren is a transfer from the Alexandria Club where he
joined in 2001. His sponsor is Mike Boen. |
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He joined Sertoma because they help kids. |
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Of
Note |
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| Congratulations Prez on your new
granddaughter. Rebecca was born last Saturday |
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| Rumor Corner - |
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Pam tucked in with her cold and didn’t get to hear any of the
latest gossip so here is another funny for you. |
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An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened
from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds,
"Don't touch me."
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"Why not?" he asks.
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She answers back, "Because I'm dead."
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The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying
here in bed together and talking to one another."
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She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
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He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think
you're dead?"
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"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts." |
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| Photos Photos Everywhere New photos
go up almost every week on our new MSN Community homepage. This
community is for the club, easy to join and gives you the
opportunity to add edit or delete any photos that are posted as
well as leave messages for fellow Sertomans. It is a good way to
thank someone for doing a good job or give them some positive
feedback for a big event in their life. If you wish to view the
current photographs or check out the new online directory go
to: http://communities.msn.com/BrainerdNoonSertoma/_whatsnew.msnw |
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